


Dialing Under the Influence

by madlaw



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliat in terms of the Universe IMHO, Depending on your head-canon compliant relationship, Drugs, F/F, Fluff, Humor, Lesbian Sex, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-14 12:09:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11207781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madlaw/pseuds/madlaw
Summary: Root gets an interesting call from Shaw.





	1. The Phone Call

**Shaw:** Rooooot...oh...Roooooot

 **Root:** Shaw are you okay?

 **Shaw:** Nooooooooooooo....Nope. Not Shaw. It's Sameen. Sameen is never okay when you're gone. Why aren't you here with me? Or maybe I should be with you? But I don't know where that is...because you never let me visit. Why Root? Do you have another girlfriend besides me?

 **Root:** I didn't know we were girlfriends Sam. But no, I don't have any girlfriends at the moment.

 **Shaw:** Except me Root. Glad we straightened it out. I can't have you thinking you can go around kissing other people because then I'd have to punch them. But what about all the moments before this one?  Or all the ones after?

 **Root:** I haven't had a girlfriend in all the time you've known me sweetie.

 **Shaw:** Except me.

 **Root:** Sorry, yes, except you.

Root thinks although this is too cute for words, she should probably go find Shaw before she gets arrested. Shaw has drunk-dialed her before but this seems different. Her other calls have always been to discuss the logistics for a booty call. The important factors being whose place and what time. **  
**

**Shaw:** What about before me?

 **Root:** I had one other girlfriend but it wasn't the same. I was very young.

 **Shaw:** Did you love her more than me? She whispers so Root has to strain to hear her.

Root's heart breaks a little for the vulnerability she hears in Shaw's voice and a little for the tragedy that befell Hanna. She sighs. **  
**

**Root:** It can't be compared sweetie. When I met Hanna we were barely teenagers. She looked out for me and offered me her friendship even though everyone else thought I was weird.

 **Shaw:** Root, you are weird, but that's why I luvvvv you.

That's new. Shaw's never declared her love no matter how drunk she's gotten.  It’s more of a luv you than a love you, but still. **  
**

**Root:** Where are you sweetie?

 **Shaw:** At our place. Root...please come.

 **Root:** Of course Sameen. Is anyone there with you?

 **Shaw:** Just Bear, but *shshshhs* cuz he's sleeping.

 **Root:** Okay, I'm coming so don't leave. You want to stay on the phone with me until I get there?

 **Shaw:** Yes! I don't like talking on the telephone except to you Root. Other people are boring. John hardly talks - it’s like a perverted breather call. Finch just drones on and on until I'm sleeping. And when Fusco calls I change my number. But I like hearing your voice on the phone. I wish you'd call me more when you're away.

Root's breath hitches and she wonders how hard their next conversation will be when Shaw forgets everything she's saying now, but it still lives in Root's heart. She needs to hurry and get Shaw to bed before she proposes.  She's headed to the bar Shaw calls their place, but the Machine texts her the address to Shaw's apartment. **  
**

**Root:** This is the address to Shaw's apartment not the bar she calls 'our place.'

 **TM:** Asset Shaw has been in her apartment the entire time you've been speaking. Outside your presence she refers to the apartment with the possessive pronoun 'our.'

 **Root:** Is that why my things seem to constantly end up there when I'm sure I've left them in the subway?

 **TM:** Asset Shaw moves any belongings you leave at the subway, except weapons, to her apartment.

 **Root:** Just when I think I have things between us figured out, she throws me for a loop.

 **TM:** I can help bring clarity to your relationship with Asset Shaw. Do you want my help?

 **Root:** Not right now, but I may take you up on it later.


	2. X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never intended to add another chapter to this work. But my process is kind of weird. When I feel like writing I sit at the computer. Sometimes I even think I know what I'm going to write, but then my brain takes off in its own direction. So this is why we have chapter 2.
> 
> Almost forgot! Thanks to mayonnaisejane as usual for her contributions of certain questions and getting my writing synapses firing.
> 
> Oh and I tweaked chapter 1 just a tiny bit to fit with the evolving plot line.
> 
> DO NOT READ THE END NOTE FIRST UNLESS YOU WANT A SIGNIFICANT SPOILER.
> 
> Feed the author...

Root arrives at Shaw’s apartment and lets herself in with the key she palmed from Shaw months ago.  Normally she knocks when Shaw’s home, but she doubts Shaw will notice.

 **Shaw:** Root! You used your key.  You can you know.  You’re an expert at picking my lock anyway.

Okay, at the time Root thought steeling the key was a little easy; but not that Shaw knew and didn’t care if Root had a key to her place.  Shaw walks over to the doorway and gives Root a sloppy kiss.  When she tries to deepen it Root breaks away.  She looks around but there’s no evidence of any alcohol in Shaw’s apartment and she doesn’t taste or smell like it.  **  
**

**Root:** Sweetie how did you get so drunk?

 **Shaw:** I’m not drunk!

Shaw’s tone is petulant and she’s pouting.  Root’s actually beginning to worry.  If she’s not drunk, it means she’s drugged.  The question is how and why and most importantly, with what? **  
**

**Root:** Sam did you go out today?

 **Shaw:** Nope, been waiting for you Root…and now you’re here!

Getting any useful information from Shaw might take a while and Root needs to know if she needs medical attention.  She needs Her help after all. **  
**

**Root:** Do you know what’s wrong with Sameen?

 **TM:** No.  I can confirm she did not leave the apartment today.  She swept for bugs yesterday and her phone was face down until she contacted you.  I did not hear anything that might shed light on her condition.

Root periodically installs cameras and microphones in Shaw’s apartment.  Shaw regularly plants trackers on Root.  It’s a game they play.  Root plants the trackers on other people so Shaw only _thinks_ she knows Root’s location.  One time Shaw relocated the cameras to another apartment and let’s just say Root will never be able to un-see the view.  Other times…Shaw’s revenge leaves Root… _frustrated_.

She thinks about calling Harold, but Shaw will kill her when she’s back to normal.  If she calls Reese she’ll have to leave the state; but taking her to a hospital is out of the question. **  
**

**Root:** Did she have a number yesterday?

 **TM:** Yes.  Scott Miller.  He’s a psychiatrist and his secretary ordered a hit because they were having an affair and he wouldn’t leave his wife.

Well psychiatrists prescribe drugs.  It's possible the number drugged Shaw in an attempt to escape.  But it's farfetched Shaw wouldn't have noticed.  Besides its been over 24 hours.  Root can't think of a drug used in psychiatry with such a long half-life.

 **Root:** Does Miller keep drugs in his office?

 **TM:** Yes.  He prescribes medical MDMA as part of his treatment protocol for PTSD.  Due to the illegality of the drug it cannot be prescribed.

Root sighs.  Sometimes she forgets She processes literally. **  
**

**Root:** Ecstasy.

 **TM:** I reviewed the cameras in Dr. Miller’s office.  Asset Shaw procured a bottle of medical MDMA from his secretary’s desk while waiting for Detective Fusco.

Root’s not sure which one of the women in her life is more annoying right now.  So Shaw’s likely on ecstasy, which explains her behavior.  The affection, the horniness, well that’s mostly normal, and the word vomit.

 **Shaw:** Root come sit with me….

Shaw’s sprawled on the couch leering at Root.  Root sighs.  Maybe she should just leave.  This would be easier over the phone.  Less temptation.  But the idea of Shaw leaving her apartment to find release with a random stranger doesn’t sit well with her either.  Plus it could also be dangerous. **  
**

**Root:** Sweetie why don’t you take a shower?

 **Shaw:** Only if you come with me…she grins lasciviously.

Root’s not sure how she’s going to keep Shaw at bay for the next several hours.  She’s pretty sure Shaw took more than one pill just based on her handsyness.  But against her better judgment she sits next to Shaw on the couch.  What’s she going to do?  Play a game of tag all night?

It takes two seconds for Shaw to lean into her, cradling her face with her hands while her lips capture Root’s.  There’s nothing sloppy about this kiss, but it’s different from Shaw’s usual possessive and demanding ones.  It’s soft and exploratory and it sends Root’s heart racing.  She sinks into Shaw’s mouth, but when Shaw grazes her breast, she remembers Shaw’s on drugs and this can’t happen.  She pushes Shaw away gently, leaving her hands on Shaw’s biceps; the better to defend Shaw's advances. **  
**

**Shaw:** What’s wrong Root?  Don’t you like me anymore?

She sounds truly puzzled and somewhat hurt and Root’s not sure what to say.  The truth about how Root feels will only encourage her, but she doesn’t want to hurt her either; so she side-steps the question with one of her own.

 **Root:** Sweetie did you take ecstasy?

 **Shaw:** Yeah I was bored; it feels really good.  Want some?

 **Root:** No.  But, uh, how many did you take exactly? 

 **Shaw:** Two, no maybe three…not sure.

 **Root:**   Where’s the bottle sweetie?

 **Shaw:** I thought you didn’t want any.

 **Root:** I don’t.  But I need to know how much you took, in case it’s too much.

 **Shaw:** Pfff…too much?  I have a tolerance for these things.  I’ve been tortured with stronger hallucinogens than X Root.

Root sighs deeply.  That’s certainly true.  But this is medical grade MDMA.  The difference between two and three pills could make a difference between just really fucking high for a few hours or an overdose.

Shaw scrunches her eyes like she’s trying to figure Root out.

 **Shaw:** They’re in the refrigerator.

Root’s about to ask why, but doesn’t want Shaw to go off on another tangent.  Plus the refrigerator is kind of Shaw’s go to place for storage.  The prescription for John Cohen, clearly not the homicidal secretary, says five on the label.  There are three in the bottle so Shaw probably took only two.

She grabs some water for Shaw while she’s there; she needs to make sure she stays hydrated.

 **Root:** Please scroll back the footage on the security cam in Miller’s office and trace when the secretary stole the bottle.

 **TM:** Dr. Miller’s secretary acquired the pills from the drug cabinet in the doctor’s office yesterday morning.  She secreted the bottle in her desk where Asset Shaw located them.

Okay, so two pills.  Hopefully Shaw’s right and her body metabolizes the drug faster than average or the next three to six hours will be exhausting.

 **Shaw:** You didn’t answer my question.  I thought I was your favorite person ever!

How Shaw can be so high and yet coherent at the same time is something Root will ponder later.  Maybe her tolerance for alcohol does extend to drugs.

 **Root:** Sweetie of course I lo…really like you and you’ll always be my favorite person.  But you’re on drugs and not yourself.  I don’t want you to do anything you don’t really want to do.

Root thinks Shaw’s ability to consent is a speck in the rear-view mirror at the moment.  She’s also trying to protect herself.  If the kiss is any indication, Shaw’s aiming more for making love than having sex and she knows Shaw doesn’t want to make love; she doubts she’s ever felt the desire to do so.  Not only would Shaw regret it in the morning, she’d never forgive Root.  Vulnerable is not an acceptable emotion for Shaw.

 **Shaw:** Don’t we always have sex?

 **Root:** Usually…yes.

 **Shaw:** So why wouldn’t I want to have sex now?

She makes an excellent point.  Not enough to override Root’s concern, but an excellent one nonetheless.

 **Root:** Sameen, do you trust me?

 **Shaw:** 100%; you’re the only one I trust.

 **Root:** Okay, so trust me when I tell you it’s not a good idea to have sex right now.  If you still want to when the drug wears off, then I’m all yours.

 **Shaw:** I don’t like to wait Root.  I’m not a patient person.  Not like you.  You’re very patient with me.  I like it that you never give up.

 **Root:** I will never give up on you Sameen. But just…trust me, okay?

Shaw doesn’t agree, but she sits back on the couch with a huff.

 **Shaw:** Well at least can we cuddle?

On rare occasions Shaw’s felt the need to cuddle after sex, usually after pain is involved.  But at least this is something Shaw won’t absolutely hate her for later.  She opens her legs and Shaw sits between them wrapping Root’s arms around herself.  To Root her sigh sounds almost content.  They sit in the silence for a bit and Root thinks maybe Shaw fell asleep; it would be a relief.  But no, it’s just the usual comfortable silence they always share.

 **Shaw:** Where do you sleep when you’re not here?

 **Root:** Occasionally the subway, but usually she finds me a place where the tenants are out of town; or a hotel sometimes.

 **Shaw:** Is that why you barely have any stuff?

It’s not like Shaw’s loft is overflowing with possessions either, but Root knows what she means.

 **Root:** I need to travel light and she always guides me to what I need.

Maybe this is why Shaw brings her stuff here.  Not that there’s much, clothes, sometimes a book. 

 **Shaw:** You know it’s hard for me to say things.

 **Root:** I know sweetie.  I don’t mind.

 **Shaw:** I’ve been bringing your stuff here.

 **Root:** Yeah, it’s been brought to my attention.  I thought maybe I just left them here when I came over.

 **Shaw:** Stupid Machine.

Root can’t help but smile affectionately.  Shaw’s never been a big fan of what she calls the 'robot overlord.'  She knows the Machine’s always right and she trusts the mission information, but she doesn’t trust Her to keep the team safe.  She knows the Machine bases her decisions on the highest probability for success, disregarding the danger to her human assets.  At one time Shaw would've agreed, but she's no longer willing to sacrifice the team...her friends, although Shaw rarely admits it.  She also gets frustrated with rescuing irrelevant numbers when there’s a bigger war to fight.  Staying in the shadows isn’t easy for her; she wants to bring the fight to her enemies.

 **Shaw:** Among Reese, Fusco, and Finch, who would you fuck, marry, kill?

 **Root:** You know that’s not really a fair question.  There’re no women on your list.

 **Shaw:** We’re the only women on the team.  You have anyone in mind?

 **Root:** Grace, Control, and You.

Shaw snorts out a laugh. **  
**

**Shaw:** No, we can’t include us.

 **Root:** You’re no fun. Fine.  Reese, Fusco, and Grace.  Control would be too obvious anyway.  I can’t imagine either one of us not wanting to kill her.

 **Shaw:** You go first.

 **Root:** Fuck Fusco, pegging only, marry Grace, and kill Reese.

 **Shaw:** I get the marrying Grace, but you seriously wouldn’t kill Fusco?  He’s so annoying.  John at least keeps his mouth shut most of the time.

 **Root:** He did try to kill me.

 **Shaw:** So did I.

 **Root:** No, you didn’t.  If you’d tried to kill me I’d be dead.

 **Shaw:** You know me so well.

 **Root:** Your turn.

 **Shaw:** Fuck Grace, marry John, and kill Fusco, obviously.

 **Root:** That was no fun, sweetie.  We have too small a pool of mutual acquaintances; women especially.

 **Shaw:** You lost your hearing.

 **Root:** It wasn’t your fault.

 **Shaw:** Wasn’t it?  I should’ve seen through Control’s ruse.

 **Root:** Not once have I ever thought it’s your fault.

 **Shaw:** Maybe you should.

 **Root:** We both know if there was anything you could’ve done, you would have done it.

 **Shaw:** I shouldn’t have left you behind.

 **Root:** We would’ve all been captured.  Then what?

 **Shaw:** We would’ve figured something out.

 **Root:** No Sameen.  You would’ve died within seconds of capture.  Arthur and Harold would’ve been tortured along with me.  Can you envision them being tortured?  How long would they last?  Besides, it brought me closer to Her.  I’d do it all over again.

Root wonders where Shaw’s going with all these questions.  She’s jumping from one random topic to another with no apparent rhyme or reason. **  
**

**Shaw:** Why do you like me?

Well that’s vague and dangerous, Root thinks.

 **Root:** Why wouldn’t I like you Sam?

 **Shaw:** Everyone thinks there’s something wrong with me.  It’s because I’m a sociopath.  Plus I shot you.

 **Root:** That’s why I like you.

 **Shaw:** Because I have an Axis II personality disorder or because I shot you?  That’d be extremely kinky but kind of hot.

 **Root:** You think there’s something wrong with you because you don’t feel things the way other people do. But that’s what makes you beautiful.  You're an arrow.  You fly true; near perfect function.

Shaw’s definitely under the sway of the drug because she would never let Root finish a monologue like this one.   Then again she would've never asked the question.

 **Shaw:** You’re such a sap.  Even when I’m mean, you’re still nice to me; how come?

 **Root:** Because I don’t want you to change; there’s nothing wrong with the way you move through the world, the way you process.

 **Shaw:** So you think I’m like good code?  Aren’t you the one who says all humanity is bad code?

 **Root:** I make exceptions on an individual basis.  You’re the best code I’ve ever met sweetie.

 **Shaw:** Do you call anyone else sweetie?

 **Root:** No.

 **Shaw:** How come?

 **Root:** Because I don’t feel for anyone else the way I feel for you.

 **Shaw:** Do you love me?

Root freezes.  They cannot have this conversation.  Now that she knows Shaw’s on ecstasy as opposed to drunk, she’s less sure Shaw won’t remember this in the morning.  So far she hasn’t said anything she more or less hasn’t said to Shaw before.

 **Root:** Ask me in the morning.

Shaw huffs, clearly exasperated.

 **Shaw:** You know I would give my life for you.

 **Root:** Yes Sameen, I know.  I would give my life for you too.

 **Shaw:** No!  I do the protecting.  You need to stay alive; you’re more important than I am to the mission.

 **Root:** Nothing is more important to _me_ than you Sameen; if you die I will burn the world to the ground.

 **Shaw:** What about the Machine?  I thought She mattered to you more than anything.

 **Root:** Me too.  But then…there came you.

 **Shaw:** I’m not worth it.

 **Root:** You are to me.

 **Shaw:** Finch and Reese know how you feel.

 **Root:** I’m not trying to hide it.

 **Shaw:** Finch gave me your message.

 **Root:** What did he say?  Because he never let me give him a message; he said you already knew.

 **Shaw:** I do.

 **Root:** What do you know?

 **Shaw:** That you love me.

Root doesn’t confirm or deny because this again falls under the category of things they’re not talking about right now.  There is something she _does_ want to know, although it’s very possible she may regret it.  Maybe it’s not fair to ask it now, but there probably won’t be another opportunity.

 **Root:** Did you fuck Tomas?

 **Shaw:** Does it matter?

 **Root:** It won’t change the way I feel about you, but I’m curious.

 **Shaw:** Won’t it just hurt you?

 **Root:** Depends on the answer.  But that's not the point.

 **Shaw:** No.

 **Root:** Why?

 **Shaw:** The same reason I didn’t take off to Barcelona.  I care about you.

This conversation is treading in dangerous waters.  It's Root's fault; she should've never asked about Tomas.  She knows the way Shaw's mind works and knows she should steer them away from the topic.  But Shaw's _really_ letting her in for the first time and she decides she's going to risk the potentially devastating aftermath.

 **Root:** What makes you think I’d care if you fucked someone else?

 **Shaw:** Wouldn’t you?  Otherwise you deserve an Oscar for acting jealous. 

 **Root:** I’ve never cared before with other people I’ve been fucking.

 **Shaw:** Is that what we’ve been doing?

 **Root:** Isn’t it?

 **Shaw:** Well I’ve broken my three and done rule for you.  I let you spend the night.  I share my food.  I let you touch me in public.  I let the team think we’re together.  So yeah, I’d say we’re doing a little more than fucking.  Have you slept with anyone since the safe house?

 **Root:** Is that why you call your apartment ours?

 **Shaw** : You’re deflecting; I knew She’d tell you.  Nosy.

 **Root:** What do you mean by ‘slept’?

 **Shaw:** Still deflecting; don’t be an ass.  Have you fucked someone else?

 **Root:** Yes. Once.

Shaw’s taken aback.  She really didn’t expect that answer.  She gets this weird feeling in her gut; a tightening and anger coiling in her spine.

 **Shaw:** Why?

 **Root:** Does it matter?

 **Shaw:** I answered your question, now answer mine.

 **Root:** I needed to get you out of my head.

 **Shaw:** Did it work?

 **Root:** Obviously not.

 **Shaw:** What were you thinking about when you fucked her?

 **Root:** What makes you so sure it was a woman?  I’ve fucked men too.

 **Shaw:** Because you wanted a substitute for me.  I’m a lot of things, but this *gesturing to her body* is 100% woman.  Plus I would bet my next meal you’ve fucked only a handful of men with fingers left over and only as a means to an end.  Now answer the question.

 **Root:** You.

 **Shaw:** So why bother?

 **Root:** After the safe house you told me we’d never be together again.  I had no reason to doubt you.

 **Shaw:** I thought you saw inside me.  I thought you believed we belonged together.

 **Root:** What I believe and what I think you will allow have always been two very different things.

 **Shaw:** I trusted you.

 **Root:** I know. 

 **Shaw:** When everyone thought there was nothing more to you than a psychopath without remorse.

 **Root:** I know.

 **Shaw:** Didn’t that mean anything to you?

 **Root:** Of course it did.  It meant everything.  But what does your trust have to do with my fucking someone else?  They're not mutually exclusive.

Shaw ignores the question.

 **Shaw:** What was her name?

 **Root:** I never knew it.

 **Shaw:** Did you get off?

 **Root:** No.  But Sameen, none of this matters.  It was a long time ago. 

 **Shaw:** I want to know.

 **Root:** It was a couple of weeks after the safe house, some random bar in Bangkok.  She looked a little like you; more of an echo really.  We went to her place, I fucked her and left.

 **Shaw:** I think you’re leaving something out.

 **Root:** No; I’m not.  She screamed my name when she came and it disgusted me.  Other than a few drunken kisses she never touched me.

 **Shaw:** Do you want to do it again?

Now they’re straying into areas Shaw would never talk about under any circumstances; the parameters of their…arrangement, which Shaw still calls just fucking when she’s sober.

 **Root:** Have you ever been monogamous Sameen?

 **Shaw:** You have to be in a relationship to be monogamous; so no.

 **Root:** Exactly.

Shaw wants to argue, but she doesn't understand why.  It's ridiculous to expect Root wouldn't fuck someone else.  They certainly weren't in a relationship then.  Does that mean they're in one now?  It feels like maybe it snuck up on her when she wasn't looking.

 **Root:** Tell you what Sam, why don’t I put on some music and we can dance.  I know you’re buzzing with energy.

 **Shaw:** No.  I don’t want to dance.  I want to have sex with you.

 **Root:** I know.  But that’s not a good idea right now.

 **Shaw:** Then I’m going to keep asking you questions.

 **Root:** Okay, I’m not going to lie to you, but I may not answer them.

 **Shaw:** I think you’ll change your mind.

Shaw reaches over to the coffee table and for the first time Root notices there are two envelopes on the table.  One labeled #1 and the other #2.  Shaw hands her #1.  There’s a short message from Shaw.  She reads it and looks at Shaw disbelievingly.  But after a minute she slips the note back into the envelope.

 **Root:** Okay Sameen.  Ask away.

 **Shaw:** Do you want to have sex with other people?  Besides me, I mean.

 **Root:** I can’t envision a circumstance where that would be the case.

 **Shaw:** That’s not an answer; unless your answer’s maybe.  But anyway I’m asking you how you feel right now; not in some hypothetical future we’ll likely never see.

It’s such a simple question.  Root knows the answer.  It will always be the answer.  But it requires Root being vulnerable in a way Shaw may use against her later.  Not maliciously; but as an excuse.

 **Root:** No.

 **Shaw:** Good; because I don’t share or play well with others.  In case you didn’t know, you’re mine. 

That’s something Root does know; but not because Shaw’s claimed her like some prehistoric neanderthal, but because she chose to belong to Shaw a long time ago.

 **Root:** I know.

 **Shaw:** Do you care if I have sex with other people?

 **Root:** I want you to be true to yourself; whatever that means in any given moment.  You know Sameen, monogamy and a *and here Root's not sure what word to use, but fuck it* relationship are not mutually exclusive.

 **Shaw:** That’s a cop-out.  Your feelings matter too.

 **Root:** Sameen, you’ve spent a lot of time pushing me away.  You still do it in different, albeit more subtle, ways.  In all that time, have I ever treated you differently? 

 **Shaw:** No, but…

 **Root:** You’ve never asked me to change or stop being who I am.  So whether you realize it or not, you’re the only one who’s never thought or made me feel defective in some way.

 **Shaw:** Well I did shoot you.

 **Root:** Because you were pissed off I got one over on you.  Not because you think I did anything morally objectionable.

 **Shaw:** True.  But what if I think I can give you more…what if I want to give you more...what if I want to try?

 **Root:** Then I’m here Sameen.  But if you do something, anything really, based on some vague notion of who I want you to be, you’ll be wrong.  I don’t want anyone other than _you_.  Exactly how you are right now or decide to be in the future.  It doesn't mean I'll agree with every decision you make, but it doesn't change that truth.

 **Shaw:** It can’t be that easy…

 **Root:** I never said it would be easy.  But if we wanted easy, you’d be pulling heists and I’d be hacking and we’d be sitting on a beach somewhere enjoying our ill-gotten gains.  If we wanted really easy we’d be on different continents.

Shaw frowns.  She doesn’t like that idea.  Somehow Root’s woven herself into the fabric of Shaw’s life, like food and guns and Bear.  Even if they’re just friends, she doesn’t ever want Root gone, at least not permanently.

 **Shaw:** You never answered my question; are you in love with me?

 **Root:** If you know the answer why is it so important that I say it?

 **Shaw:** Because no one’s ever felt that way about me or said it to me before.

 **Root:** Yes Sameen.  I’m in love with you.

 **Shaw:** Hmm, I think I can live with it…can we have sex now? Wait don’t answer.  It’s time for envelope #2.

 

* * *

 

Root takes the envelope although this time she has an inkling of what it might say.  She reads it but doesn’t answer, just looking at Shaw warily.  Shaw can see the conflict waging in her eyes, but she knows Root wants this; knows she wants it too.

She puts a palm to either side of Root’s face and squeezes very gently, slowly moving her face closer, her eyes locked on Root’s, until their lips touch.  She plays her tongue across Root’s lips teasingly, almost a timid exploration.  She lets her tongue wander until Root grants her permission and their tongues move against each other like a ballet telling a story.  But the kiss isn’t really gentle or polite, it’s passionate in a different way and Root’s face is flushed and her nipples are hard and desire starts to blaze though her body.  Root’s never been kissed this way before by anyone, especially not Shaw.

Shaw’s lying half on her chest, her arms having migrated to Root’s back, one rubbing against her spine and the other tangled in her hair.  Root's arms encircle Shaw’s waist and she’s gripping her hip bones tightly in concert with their kiss.

When they come up for air, Shaw stands up extending her hand and leading Root to the bedroom.  She takes her clothes off, not particularly slow, but clearly intending to accentuate her abs and her ass, which she knows makes Root’s mouth water.  She cocks her head at Root and raises her eyebrows until Root takes the hint and sheds her clothing.

Shaw lowers them to the bed and settles on top of Root.  Root’s wavy hair splays over the pillow and Shaw can see hunger and need flaring in her eyes.  Root’s eyes always draw her in, like they guard mysterious secrets she’ll only share with Shaw.  Her nipples are erect and she’s breathing deep.  She’s not muscled like Shaw, but her belly’s taut and Shaw can see the shape of her rib cage, which for whatever reason she loves to trace down to her concave navel, which always looks so enticing.  She wonders if Root would consider getting a belly ring; that’d be hot. 

Shaw claims Root’s lips again, more forcefully than before, but still questing more than pillaging.  She nibbles her way down Root’s jaw, sucking lightly on her collarbone, and then barely scraping her teeth at the spot where her shoulder meets her neck.  Root shivers beneath her, baring her neck to Shaw’s mouth, her hands just above Shaw’s hips, pulling her in tightly, her leg twining with Shaw’s.

Shaw takes a deep slow breath, sucking Root’s scent into her lungs.   Root smells like apples still dangling from the tree and a unique fragrance she can only describe as wild; her scent always evokes a feeling of calm and safety, like Shaw’s releasing a breath she didn’t know she was holding. 

She inches lower unhurriedly exploring Root's skin and circling her tongue around her nipples, her teeth grazing their tips.  Root arches into her mouth with a low moan.  Shaw takes her time trailing her tongue from Root’s breasts to her belly button, tracing its outline, placing a light kiss before continuing her journey.  Root groans a little inarticulately, but Shaw catches the last whispery part, “Sameen, please”

But Shaw refuses to rush.  This will probably be the only time the sex between them doesn’t include the rough edge of pain and frenzy; she wants to experience it fully, even if its making her mildly uncomfortable, even through the haze of the X.  So she nips at Root’s pubic bone her hands caressing the sides of her breasts lazily.

When Shaw finally licks the length of Root’s slit, Root tangles her hand in Shaw’s hair, not wanting her to pull away and tease anymore.  Shaw rests Root’s thighs on her shoulders giving her better access; she slides her hands underneath Root’s ass lifting her up slightly to her mouth.  Root’s grip has shifted to the sheets as Shaw dips her tongue inside swirling along velvety walls.  She lets her upper lip rub Root’s hood, eliciting a delicious moan from Root.  “Yes!”

Shaw slowly tongue fucks her, bringing a hand up to massage her pulsing clit.  She feels Root’s muscles tensing and trades places, her finger sliding slowly into Root as she takes broad slow licks of Root’s clit.  Root’s not into the kind of hard core penetration Shaw likes, so she waits for Root to adjust before slipping in another finger.  She scissors them imperceptibly, tapping Root’s g-spot with every shift of her fingers.  Root gasps, “don’t stop”

Shaw glances up at Root, who’s biting her lower lip, her elegant neck bared as she pushes into the pillow with her head, thrusting into Shaw’s mouth and skillful fingers.  Suddenly she wants to be licking the sweat from Root’s chest and feel her thrash beneath her.  Shaw shifts out from under, swapping her thumb for her tongue and claims Root’s lips.  Root can taste her arousal in Shaw’s mouth and she moans as Shaw grins slyly.  She breathes hotly into Root’s ear, “you taste so fucking good”

Root feels her orgasm building as Shaw keeps fucking her slowly, licking her neck, and scraping her teeth along her jaw.  Her piercing eyes hold Root's gaze.  “hmm, so tight”  Root holds her breath as her muscles go rigid, until her orgasm tears through her, and she gasps “Sameen” with want and need and desperation.  Shaw gentles her through it until Root’s spasms fade and she lets herself collapse on Root’s chest, breathing heavily.

Root’s glad Shaw can’t see her face in this moment because she’s sure vulnerability and love are written there and she’s more than a little overwhelmed.  Shaw’s touched her body in exactly this way before, rougher, and yet tonight it feels intimate in an unfamiliar and vastly intense way.  She’s inundated with feelings she’s never experienced and part of her wants to turn back.  Run even. 

Thoughts are racing through her mind faster than she can process, but somehow Shaw must sense her discomfort because suddenly she’s there looking into Root’s eyes and caressing her cheek, “hey, come back, stay here with me” and then she’s sharing Root’s every breath and Root feels the tension coiling in her body fade away.  “Root, are you okay?  Did I hurt you?” Shaw asks with concern.  Root smiles at her gently, the way she only ever smiles for Shaw, “no sweetie, quite the opposite.”  A cocky grin graces Shaw’s features, “good, I have a reputation to maintain you know.”  Root rolls her eyes but the smile never leaves her face.

After they've caught their breaths, Shaw tugs on Root until she’s on top.  Root props herself up on her arms and looks at Shaw in a way that normally sends Shaw squirming to look away; but Shaw doesn’t, seemingly content.  “This is your night Sameen.  Tell me what you want.” 

Shaw glances towards the nightstand and Root follows her gaze.  She sees the feeldoe and looks at Shaw with a question in her eyes.  Shaw nods yes almost shyly, which in itself is surprising because Shaw’s never been shy or embarrassed about what she wants in the bedroom.  She loves to feel Root pounding into her with a strap-on or even better her fist, and they've covered anal and BDSM in most of its forms; but when Root brought up using a feeldoe before, Shaw vetoed it in no uncertain terms.  At the time Root thought it might be too intimate for Shaw’s tastes. 

Root feels every beat of her heart as it races in her chest.  She runs her hand down Shaw’s body leisurely, feeling every inch of skin with the pads of her fingertips, until she reaches her slit and dips her finger inside.  Shaw’s hot and wet and swollen; she closes her eyes at Root’s touch, knocking her forehead against Root’s, “please”  There’s a hint of longing in her voice and her skin's flushed, “Sameen you are so beautiful” 

Root’s not sure if Shaw was going to say something else but she senses Shaw’s uncertainty; Shaw doesn’t usually ask, she takes.  It suits them both and Root wouldn’t change a thing, but tonight Shaw wants something different and Root’s more than willing to make it happen.  But she doesn’t need Shaw to say it out loud.  So she captures her mouth unhurriedly, biting gently, until she feels Shaw relax under her. 

Root fucks her slowly, inserting another two fingers.  She shifts so Shaw’s thigh is between her legs and her sex rubs deliciously on Shaw’s fevered skin with every thrust.  Shaw reaches down and stills Root’s hand reaching with the other to grab the toy.  Root smiles at her impatience.

Root knows she's wet enough so she wraps her hand around Shaw’s and they insert the bulb into Root together slowly, giving her time to adjust.  Shaw lies back and Root positions herself at Shaw’s entrance, running the cock up and down Shaw’s soaking slit.  Shaw groans impatiently, calling Root’s name sternly.  “So impatient Sameen…I thought you wanted it slow?”  Root cocks her head and furrows her eyebrows innocently.  Shaw doesn’t bother to respond, an expectant look on her face.

Root enters her with one slow thrust until she bottoms out, pulling out slowly, and Shaw sighs with relief.  On the next stroke Root settles on top of her and Shaw grabs her ass, pulling her closer.  Root bites along Shaw’s shoulder trailing to her neck.  When one bite elicits a hiss, she hears Shaw whisper “softer”

Root nods her head a little and soothes the bite with her lips, sucking gently across Shaw’s collarbone as she shifts to Shaw’s other shoulder.  Root’s feeling every thrust and when Shaw moans she smothers her mouth with her own and they kiss sloppily, both of them breathing hard.  When Root starts to thrust faster, she feels Shaw’s hands at the dip of her waist, slowing her down. 

So Root makes her strokes longer and deeper, shifting slightly on the way out to rub Shaw’s g-spot.  They fall into a rhythm and the only sounds in the room are their gasping breaths and occasional whimpers and groans.

Root fucks her slow, but hard and deep.  She loses track of time and there’s just Shaw and the feel of her sweat-soaked body, and the smell of their combined arousal, and the taste of her skin.  She starts shifting her hips on every deep thrust and she feels Shaw start to tense under her.  “just like that” Shaw moans softly.  Shaw’s coming undone beneath her and she doesn’t turn away when Root holds her gaze, full of want and stormy desire. 

They move together, Shaw gripping Root’s ass, pulling her deeper.  She braces her feet on the bed, opening her legs wide, spreading herself for Root like an offering.  Root lies on her, slipping her arms under Shaw's shoulders, using her hands for leverage to push deeper.  They’re grunting and Root can feel her own orgasm racing to explode, but she wants Shaw to come first, so she holds it back, but it’s a losing battle because she won’t be able to hold it off much longer.

“don’t stop” Shaw gasps.  Root resists the insistent urge to move faster and drive them both over the edge.  Just when she thinks she can’t hold back anymore, Shaw tenses underneath her gripping Root tighter as she starts to thrash in the throes of her orgasm, which pushes Root over the edge, and then they’re coming and it feels so fucking amazing and lasts longer than it has for either of them before.

Sated, Root starts to pull out, but Shaw holds her down lightly with her hand on the small of her back.  So Root tucks her face into Shaw’s neck while Shaw scratches her back lightly.  Root’s not sure what to say and she doesn’t want to ruin the moment or make Shaw uncomfortable, so she just nuzzles Shaw, placing small, almost imperceptible kisses on her neck.  Shaw doesn’t stop her so she figures its okay.

Root’s not sure how long they lie there until Shaw finally turns her head and kisses Root’s lips, leaving their foreheads together when it ends.  Root figures that’s the signal to pull out so she slides out of Shaw slowly, then pulls the toy out on her end.

 

* * *

 

Root has no idea if Shaw’s still feeling the effects of the X.  She thinks maybe because Shaw curls into her flinging her arm over Root’s stomach and promptly falls asleep.  Root shrugs and pulls the sheet up, figuring Shaw will send her to the couch as usual when she wakes.  Root’s just dozing off when she feels Shaw get up.

Root can hear her in the bathroom and then opening the fridge.  She plops back on the bed handing Root a bottle of water, while she gulps her own.  “Thanks,” Root ventures.  Shaw just nods her head in acknowledgment.  Root can’t exactly read the look on Shaw’s face, which is rare, because Root is an expert at Shaw.  But she doesn’t seem angry or particularly tense.  So maybe this is a good time to turn it down a notch.

Root goes to the bathroom, picking up her clothes on the way back.  She hesitates, wondering if it’s better to stay and settle in on the couch or leave and give Shaw time to process whatever tonight means to her.  She pulls on her panties, but when she starts to put on her bra, Shaw frowns at her.  “Where are you going?” 

“Wherever She sends me tonight sweetie.” 

“You can stay here,” Shaw mumbles, rolling her eyes.  But then she looks at Root directly, “stay.”  Root hesitates for a second wondering if she should still go, thinking Shaw’s probably a little off kilter and could use some time to herself.  But then she realizes going might also give Shaw the absolute wrong impression.  “Okay.” 

Root flings her bra away and reaches for her shirt, stopping in mid-action when she sees Shaw scowl.  “Sameen, what’s wrong?”

“Since when do you sleep with clothes on?”

“I sleep with clothes on whenever I sleep on the couch, sweetie.  Remember? You made the rule; something about not getting bodily fluids on your furniture.”

“Who said anything about you sleeping on the couch?” she asks, a familiar heat in her tone.

Root’s tired and a little unsettled herself and this conversation is eroding her usually endless patience for Shaw.  “So you want me to stay over and I can sleep on the bed?”  Shaw rolls her eyes like what she wants should be obvious.  “Use your words Sameen.”

“Yes; just get back in bed and stop making trouble.”        

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think leaving the contents of Shaw's notes to the readers' imaginations adds to the story. You can decide for yourself what Shaw wrote and why. But if enough readers ask me for the notes I'll add a chapter 3 with the content and Shaw's motivation.


	3. Shaw's Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shaw rubs her face in annoyance. Fuck all this thinking. She’s much better at taking action. She pops a pill. Then she thinks about it and pops another for good measure; she does have a high tolerance for drugs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm already regretting adding this chapter. I'm just not happy with it. I reserve the right to delete or rewrite. 
> 
> Like the cliched saying goes, be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.

Shaw’s waiting for Fusco, looking around, itchy to leave; she promised Bear a walk.  This was the lamest mission ever; she didn’t even get to shoot anyone.  She’s not sure why she slips the X into her pocket, but it’s not like Ms. Homicidal will be able to smuggle them through the cavity search.  She smirks at the thought.  

Shaw’s not even into recreational drug use, well other than alcohol anyway, which is not to say she’s not pretty much experimented with everything under the sun.  But considering the nature of her work for the ISA, she’d thought it’d be useful to understand the effects of a variety of drugs.  It would often freak Cole the fuck out because she was willing to use all sorts of chemical ‘agents’ to disable targets on their missions. 

The elevator opens 20 minutes later and Fusco strides out.  “Geez Fusco what’d you do?  Take the A train?”  He scrunches his eyes and frowns.  “Listen Ms. Congeniality, I’m a _homicide_ detective.  Not your personal janitorial service,” he grumbles.  Shaw rolls her eyes, but doesn’t stick around. 

She picks up Bear from the subway and manages to escape any unnecessary chatter since Finch has his head buried in his computer monitor muttering to himself.  They take a long stroll through the park and play fetch until Bear tires out.  It looks like it’s going to rain so it’s time to head back anyway.  She decides to keep Bear overnight; he’s the best company ever. 

Somehow this leads to thoughts of Root.  Not that she’s better company than Bear, but she can certainly do things Bear can’t; and it’s not talking. 

Root’s been in the city for a couple of weeks now, working a complex relevant number somehow tied to Samaritan’s plan to subjugate the human race.  She’s come over several times but not for a few days now.  It’s Shaw’s fault.  She said something she didn’t mean, well she meant it, just not in the way Root took it and clearly Root’s decided to give her some space.  Usually that’s fine by Shaw; the more space the better, but somehow, over time, space no longer means the absence of Root. 

Root knows how to let her be alone even if they’re sitting right next to each other.  The silences are comfortable; she codes and Shaw does whatever she feels like doing.  If she leaves, Root doesn’t ask any questions.  She’s always happy to see Shaw; no matter how many times Shaw rolls her eyes and scowls or how grumpily she greets her.  Most importantly, it’s genuine.  Root’s not adopting a persona she thinks will make Shaw like her or get in her pants.  Every day Root’s someone else, except with Shaw.  She lets her guard down when they’re alone and Shaw thinks it’s the only time Root can really breathe.  Of course it also opens her up to Shaw’s piercing insensitivity. 

It’s stupid really.  Root said she was having a package delivered to the apartment and Shaw made an off-handed comment about not being a post office followed by “it’s not like you live here.”  Root just looked at her thoughtfully, “of course not sweetie.”  She didn’t seem upset, but the next time Shaw left the apartment Root wasn’t there when she got back.  Even then Shaw didn’t think anything of it.  Root comes and goes without notice constantly when she’s on a mission. 

But the package never came and Root hasn’t been back.  Usually she’ll call Shaw every couple of days just to be annoying, but there haven’t been any phone calls either.  Upon occasion Shaw calls her and Root always answers even if she’s in the middle of a gunfight; then again so does Shaw.  But it’s been radio silence even though Shaw knows she’s still in the city.  Reese told her yesterday with a weird look on his face.  Reese rarely shows any kind of emotion and he certainly doesn’t make it a habit of reporting Root’s whereabouts to Shaw. 

What makes all this even more ludicrous is Shaw’s comment was her own backwards roundabout way of telling Root they _should_ live together.  

Even now, she knows Root’s not angry.  She’s giving Shaw the space she thinks Shaw needs.  But Root’s supposed to be the Shaw expert if you replace ‘supposed to be’ with knows her better than Shaw knows herself.  So why can’t she just…come back. 

But Shaw supposes it’s unfair to expect Root to be omniscient.  She knows Shaw cares for her, but she doubts Root would ever conclude it means Shaw wouldn’t mind living with her.  Much less actually wants to live with her.  Shaw can’t even explain it to herself.  The closest she can come is Root makes her laugh and it’s never dull when she’s around; and even without the Machine, Root’s the best shot she’s ever seen, except for herself of course.  The hot mind-blowing sex doesn’t hurt either. 

Which brings her back to the X; the last and only time Shaw took X, she felt exposed to her very core.  The indiscriminate fucking didn’t bother her, but she basically told Cole her life story and how much she cared for him and what a good partner he was…and on and on.  It took her months to be able to look him in the face again.  Wisely he never mentioned it. 

It’s probably a copout but the X might be the only way Shaw will ever be able to tell Root certain things or even be able to have a meaningful conversation beyond the mission.  There’s nothing to lose really.  No matter what happens Root will never throw it in her face. 

But Shaw knows Root.  She’ll try to protect Shaw from herself, so she has to make sure Root understands Shaw’s willingly going down this road and she should _not_ throw up any roadblocks.  She can’t count on herself to remember what she wants once she’s high, so she’ll have to leave Root a note; maybe two. 

 

* * *

 

#1:  I took the X deliberately to turn the volume up as high as it will go.  Let’s talk.  

#2:  Just once I want to know what it feels like to make love with you. 

She almost crumbles up the second one.  In truth she’s never made love with anyone.  Or maybe she already has with Root.  Shaw’s not an expert, but she’s pretty sure making love doesn’t mean it has to be slow or with any particular act taking place.  It’s must be more about the feeling and Shaw’s only felt anything other than anger or indifference when she’s with Root.  

Still it’s the sappiest thing Shaw’s ever heard, much less written.  Maybe it should just say ‘I’m consenting to the sex ahead of time.’  Shaw sighs and seriously considers scrapping the whole thing.  But one way or another she’s going to have to reach out to Root, especially if she wants Root to live with her.  Even if Root doesn’t move in she’d like to see her more often than just when they have to work a mission together.  She knows she can also just call Root and pretend nothing happened and Root will accept that too.  Shaw’s done it before.  ‘I want Thai for dinner; don’t forget the dumplings,’ has worked on more than one occasion. 

Shaw rubs her face in annoyance.  Fuck all this thinking.  She’s much better at taking action.  She pops a pill.  Then she thinks about it and pops another for good measure; she does have a high tolerance for drugs.  She places the notes in envelopes and numbers them.  She sets her watch alert for an hour.  She wants to make sure the drugs have kicked in before she embarks on this needlessly complicated plan.

 

* * *

 

 

**Rooooot...oh...Roooooot  
**

 

* * *

 

Root wakes up in the morning to find Shaw staring at her from the other side of the bed.  “Good morning sweetie.”  Shaw doesn’t reply, but she looks like she’s working herself up to say something.  Root desperately hopes it’s not something along the lines of last night was a mistake, because she’d like to hold on to the memory unsullied by Shaw’s regret. 

“So, uh last night…”  Root tenses minutely and closes her eyes.  Shaw doesn’t say anything else and when Root opens her eyes again Shaw’s grinning slightly.  “You don’t know me as well as you think.  I don’t regret last night and the drug has worn off already, well mostly anyway.  So before you say something to annoy me, I want you to live here…with me.”  Shaw adds the last part because it’s in the realm of possibility Shaw meant she was moving out and Root knows it. 

For once Root looks shocked and…speechless.  Shaw rolls her eyes.  “Don’t make a big deal about it.” 

“I wouldn’t dream of it sweetie.”  But her eyes are watering and she’s practically beaming.  Shaw’s already thinking about breakfast; she’s starving.  “I accept.” 

She looks back at Root confused.  “What?” 

“Yes, I’ll live here with you.” 

It occurs to Shaw she’d never even considered Root _wouldn’t_ want to live with her.  “Okay I guess…I’m going for pancakes, hurry up if you want to come.”     


End file.
